The Weight of "Shoulds": Overcome Mom Guilt and Embracing Your Enough

Are you feeling the heavy weight of "shoulds"? Constantly replaying moments you lost patience, battling mom guilt fueled by perfect online images, or wondering if you're doing "enough" as a working mom or stay-at-home mom? This internal struggle, the motherhood stress and overwhelm driven by unrealistic expectations and societal pressure, is incredibly real.

If you feel it, know this: You're human, not failing. And that's exactly what your children truly need – a real, imperfect mom. We're here to talk about how to overcome mom guilt and the exhausting "should" cycle, guiding you towards embracing your enough. You are absolutely not alone – you're part of the vast, unseen sisterhood quietly carrying this heavy burden.

You’re Not Alone (Really, You’re Not) 🤗

That persistent voice whispering, "you're not doing enough"? I know it all too well.

I remember sitting in my car outside the daycare after my maternity leave ended, staring at the building entrance with tears in my eyes, desperately searching for a reason to quit my job and stay home with my son. Yet later, when I became a stay-at-home mom, the guilt simply transformed—now I questioned how I could contribute more financially instead of "just" being with him.

The biggest lesson motherhood has taught me? No matter what choice we make, we'll always wonder if it was right. The very fact that we worry about these decisions shows how deeply we care—and that care is what makes us good mothers, even when we doubt ourselves.

Research supports this widespread feeling. A study cited by the Washington Post in 2019 found that a staggering 94% of mothers experience parenting guilt, regardless of whether they work outside the home, stay home, parent solo, co-parent, or navigate any other family dynamic.

The common "shoulds" pile up, fueling this guilt:

• “I should be more patient.”

• “I should cook healthier meals.”

• “I should limit screen time more effectively.”

• “I should cherish and enjoy every single moment.”

• “I should earn more income.”

• “I should be home more often.”

These unrealistic expectations rarely come with a counter-balance of acknowledging all the incredible things you are already doing right.

As Katherine Wintsch, author of Slay Like a Mother, puts it: “We’re our own worst critics. The expectations we put on ourselves as mothers are beyond unrealistic.”

Why Does Mom Guilt Happen? 🧠

Mom guilt isn't something mothers are born with. It's cultivated and nurtured within a whirlwind of societal pressures and personal challenges:

• Social media highlight reels – presenting a filtered, tidy, and impossibly joyful version of motherhood.

• Conflicting parenting advice – one expert recommends one thing, while another suggests the exact opposite, leaving you feeling confused and inadequate.

• Generational pressure – hearing "When we were kids..." stories that gloss over the complexities of the past and present.

• Society’s mixed messages – demanding both independent children and constant parental hovering. No wonder we feel exhausted and guilty!

• Unrealistic personal standards – holding ourselves to a far harsher measure than we would ever apply to another mother.

As one mom shared with Parents magazine in 2022: "Sometimes I feel like I’m not doing anything well. Not at work. Not as a mom. Not as a wife." This feeling is a core component of the mental load of motherhood and can heavily contribute to parenting guilt.

The Perfect Mom Doesn’t Exist 🔍

Here’s a simple but powerful secret: The perfect mom is a myth. She is not real.

The mom with the homemade organic snacks and perfectly coordinated outfits? She might be quietly battling anxiety. The mom who appears to juggle work and family effortlessly? She might be shedding tears in the car between meetings.

Perfection isn't just unreachable—it's completely unnecessary.

What do your children genuinely need?

• They need your love.

• They need your presence—even and especially when it’s imperfect.

• They need your boundaries, your warmth, and your humanity.

They need to see that it is okay to be a work-in-progress. That you can make mistakes and still show up fully. That self-compassion is not a weakness, but a vital strength. This is the essence of realistic parenting.

Kids Remember Love, Not Perfection 💞

In an article for Health.com in 2023, journalist Claire Gillespie shared this powerful perspective: "On days I feel like I failed, my kids often say it was the best day ever—because we got ice cream or played together for 20 minutes."

Your children won’t remember the pile of dishes in the sink or the one time you ordered pizza instead of cooking. They will remember the cuddles, the laughter you shared, the way you made them feel safe and loved—even when you felt uncertain and riddled with mom guilt. This is the heart of realistic parenting.

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From Guilt to Growth: 5 Simple Shifts ✨

1. Notice the “shoulds”—then question them. When that guilt voice pops up with a "should," pause and ask:

   • Says who? Is this my standard or someone else's expectation?

   • Is this standard realistic for me, right now?

   • Would I ever say this critical thought to a friend who is also a mom?

   • What evidence do I have that shows I am doing enough?

2. Try a “Done List”. At the end of the day, instead of focusing on what wasn't done, write down everything you did accomplish. This could be changing a dozen diapers, answering emails, successfully navigating a tantrum, or simply breathing through a moment of overwhelm. Let that list be proof that you are doing enough.

3. Pick a grounding mantra. Choose a simple phrase that resonates with you and repeat it when guilt strikes.

   • “I’m the right mom for my kids.”

   • “I’m doing the best I can today.”

   • “I’m allowed to have needs too.”

4. Reconnect with your own values. When guilt appears, ask yourself: "Is this feeling rooted in my core values, or is it stemming from someone else's expectations or societal pressure?" Align your actions with what truly matters to you and your family.

5. Practice unapologetic self-care. You literally cannot pour from an empty cup. Whether it’s five quiet minutes alone or a full day out to recharge—claim that time. Do it without guilt. Do it without feeling the need for lengthy explanations. This parent self-care is essential, not a luxury.

Reframing the Guilt

🎁 Free Resource for You:

Ready to reduce motherhood stress and overcome parenting guilt? This free worksheet helps you break free from the "should" cycle with practical steps and self-compassion techniques. Download now for more peace!

Find Your Support System 👯‍♀️

You don't have to navigate the challenges of motherhood or the weight of mom guilt alone. Surround yourself with other mothers who truly get it—who are brave enough to admit their struggles, celebrate small victories, and remind you that you are so much more than a to-do list.

Building this kind of supportive community is an incredibly powerful tool for overcoming mom guilt. We'd love for you to join our sisterhood!

Come find your people with us on Instagram @FlowStateMom – Flow State Mom we're saving you a spot in our circle of amazing, imperfect moms just like you. Because sometimes the most powerful words you can hear are simply, "Me too. I understand. You're doing great.

You Are Already Enough ✨

You are not defined by your moments of losing patience. You are not defined by the moments you worried you missed. You are not defined by your perceived shortcomings or the weight of mom guilt.

You are your immense love. You are your consistent effort. You are your continued showing up, day after day.

That is your enough. And it is more than enough.

📚 Suggested Reading & Listening

With Love & Light,
-Flow State-Mom
📧 [email protected]

Your input is invaluable—share what topics you'd love to explore in our next issue!

Sources:

1. Washington Post: How to Conquer Mom Guilt

2. Parents: The Mental Load of Motherhood

3. Health.com: Why Mom Guilt Is Out and Self-Compassion Is In

4. Self-Compassion.org: The Three Elements of Self-Compassion